Your posts are satanic, perverted, and full of darkness. How are you a good person when your views and opinions are so full of hate and negativity? You like this or find them beautiful? Why? Are you that morbidly dark in nature?
Also, what was the point of posting an image of porn on your DA? Did you want to get it taken down even with it blurred? Did you want to notify others that you have posted it whether on your blog or your website? That's against the rules anyways to link people on DA to porn. Also there is no oral to genitalia contact allowed or ball sac showing. Not when it includes an erection.
I really don't find any level of sort of content art. It's hentai/porn. If it is for sexual purposes without a constructive concept behind it then it is porn. If you have no concept, artistically and fail to realize that art is more than just drawing what you want, it is about setting an idea, a concept that means something more than just what you like, what you find beautiful, what you consider art. It is more than that. If that is all you are drawing then it is trite and immature, overdone, or simply doodles. Your work is looking more and more like doodles than well-thought out conceptual drawings that mean something to more than just you and your interests. This does not mean please others, pun intended to whatever porn you draw, but to set a statement or overall idea that expands horizons and extends to social groups and means something by setting an example or statement for an overall group to fight for them, support them, or admire them.
It seems that there are fewer artists on DA that are able to do that. All they care for is drawing their characters or fanart, sketching the person down but with only interest in mind, no concept behind the work. I admire artists way more when they have concepts and their piece looks like there was some thought and effort put into it rather just as a hobby. To me, that is true art. Sure, drawing what you want is a form of art, a subject within art, b ut to me, it is just a hobby. If you want to make a living off of it, go beyond that and maybe your work will be taken seriously enough to sell and be commissioned. Otherwise, it is just personal work that has no conceptual meaning that is beautiful within composition, color, value, contrast, concept...are these words even reaching to you? Artists, true artists, should know those words and are able to use them effectively rather than just doodle for a hobby.
Also what is the point of "starting over". You have bleached and dyed your hair so many times but shaving it all off won't change the fact that you have damaged your hair over the years and who cares, you are just going to do it again anyways. Why do you have to look like you have cancer or one of those people shaving their heads to support people with cancer? How does that help anyone, especially the cancer patients? It doesn't get rid of their cancer does it? So how does shaving your head prevent years of damage to your hair? It is not starting over because with what you have done, can't be undone or changed. Your hair is still going to look and feel crappy because you damaged it with your "experiences".
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Do I really matter to you as a friend?
I understand that things were rocky when we broke up and that we haven't seen each other since March, but if you are still willing to be my friend and talk to me, make the effort once and awhile to talk to me first rather than leaving it all up to me. Also, actually show an interest in my life, me, and what's going on because every time we chat, it seems you won't talk unless it is about you or something you are into or something that we have in common.
The more unaware, clueless, and rude you are when we aren't dating and trying to be friends makes me think you would have been a terrible boyfriend anyways. Those kinds of qualities in you I find childish and immature. Part of having friends and being a good friend is showing an interest in what they like to do or talk about, being there for them and make a move first. You seem as if you don't even want to be bothered with me as a friend and never bother talking to me unless it is a common interest or about what is going on in your life. That's a little self-centered and rude. You need to be a better communicator and acknowledge your friends more otherwise dating may be further out of your reach than you might think.
And yes, I do feel guilty for hurting you but part of being mature is handling it maturely rather than throwing a fit about it. I know I should have talked about it with you in person but at the time that was too awkward for me to handle. I wasn't sure how to tell you without seeing you hurt, and I didn't want to have to do that. I thought maybe you might be a man and handle it and sweep it under the rug and just continue as friends afterwards like before we started dating. We kind of rushed into things and weren't thinking straight and you seemed either too pushy or unsure of what to do. I really want a guy who knows what to do by understanding me without me having to tell him. Someone with good awareness of others, compassion and open-heart as well as someone who isn't going to take things immaturely. I felt, yet again, as if I was the babysitter. And now I am wary of dating guys younger than me. Especially ones who think alcohol is what makes the party, not the people and games are everything and the only thing in life to put passion into.
So, I don't want to stir things up again but I hate that you ignore me, or doing take an interest in me when we talk. I am not saying you should but as a good person and a good friend, it is the common courtesy here that matters the most and I am not seeing it with you.
The more unaware, clueless, and rude you are when we aren't dating and trying to be friends makes me think you would have been a terrible boyfriend anyways. Those kinds of qualities in you I find childish and immature. Part of having friends and being a good friend is showing an interest in what they like to do or talk about, being there for them and make a move first. You seem as if you don't even want to be bothered with me as a friend and never bother talking to me unless it is a common interest or about what is going on in your life. That's a little self-centered and rude. You need to be a better communicator and acknowledge your friends more otherwise dating may be further out of your reach than you might think.
And yes, I do feel guilty for hurting you but part of being mature is handling it maturely rather than throwing a fit about it. I know I should have talked about it with you in person but at the time that was too awkward for me to handle. I wasn't sure how to tell you without seeing you hurt, and I didn't want to have to do that. I thought maybe you might be a man and handle it and sweep it under the rug and just continue as friends afterwards like before we started dating. We kind of rushed into things and weren't thinking straight and you seemed either too pushy or unsure of what to do. I really want a guy who knows what to do by understanding me without me having to tell him. Someone with good awareness of others, compassion and open-heart as well as someone who isn't going to take things immaturely. I felt, yet again, as if I was the babysitter. And now I am wary of dating guys younger than me. Especially ones who think alcohol is what makes the party, not the people and games are everything and the only thing in life to put passion into.
So, I don't want to stir things up again but I hate that you ignore me, or doing take an interest in me when we talk. I am not saying you should but as a good person and a good friend, it is the common courtesy here that matters the most and I am not seeing it with you.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Seriously!?!
Through philosophical facts and discovering based on time and events throughout history, The Bible isn't 100% truthful or factual to the claims written in there. However, people ignorantly believe it as fact as if it happened just as it said it did. Here is a little synopsis of the Bible.
The Roman Emperor Constantine produced the bible and he was a pagan and he took the Jewish religion and basing it on the Mithras religion, organized it into Christianity and then into the Holly Roman Catholic Church. Not in Israel or any of the countries of supposed origin but entirely ITALIAN.
Not one word of it is contemporary with the period and was not written until several hundred years after the period the story is set in!! How did the apostles write their books more than a hundred years after they would have been dead?
What a wonder full disinformation and deception campaign he waged against his Jewish enemies by turning them into his invented Christianity - so good in fact that Christians are still following the deception to this day!
But try looking at the evidence in the real world rather than the false claims in a book!
There is not one single mention of Jesus in the entire Roman record - that is right - not one! At the same time as he was supposed to have been around there were a number of Jews claiming to be the messiah - all of whom are well recorded!
There is not a single contemporary record from any source and even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!
He was supposed to have been a huge problem to the Romans and produced wonderful miracles but still not one contemporary record?
Even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!
Pilate is recorded in the Roman record as a somewhat lack luster man but no mention of a Jesus, a trial or crucifixion that would surely have been used to make him look brighter!
At best he was an amalgam of those others but almost certainly never existed!
---You are free to believe what you want, just have some common sense. Don't believe the facts, believe the morals trying to be taught.
I am not taking this from an Atheist point of view, simply realistic and philosophical. At the age of eight, I started to see a lot of hypocrisy and back and forth information in the Bible that was being taught to me through the private school I was attending. I questioned God: what made him so powerful? so important? who created him? It just didn't make sense to me. I also questioned the repopulation method supposedly done by Adam and Eve, which couldn't have happened when all they had was two sons. With what they also teach us in Science class about genes being too close and you shouldn't marry anyone within the family except second cousins, I was wondering how they could have repopulated the entire earth with just the four of them. Eve must have had a lot of all-nighters if you get my drift. That would also impose the idea of incest and sex to someone you are not married to wouldn't it? But then again I don't think Adam and Eve justifies marriage or is the reason for why only men and women should get married.
Now, take a look at the Bible for a second. How realistic is? Is it more of a storybook to tell children? I think so. I always have. Like any religion, it isn't perfect. It provides a sense of morals, understanding of what we don't know, consequences from good and evil forces, and also a means to give people hope with faith. Now, all religions do that to some degree in their own way. However, taking the facts in there and believing that they have happened to a full 100% possibility is ignorant. Do not believe everything you read. You don't have to. You have the freedom to choose what you want to do with your life and what you want to believe. If you believe that God is your savior, go ahead. But don't force down someone else's throat or make a big deal about it. I say "Keep it Discreet". Do not explain, Do not complain. If someone did not ask you what you believe in, don't talk about it. Don't post what you believe online unless asked. Why does anyone care what you believe? If they are curious, they will ask. Also during interviews, if an interviewer asks you what your religion is, it is a test. Do not answer or be discreet. That is called and illegal question that they cannot ask you because it is personal information. If you answer them, you are opening them up to ask you more to discriminate against you. You shouldn't be hired or fired for any personal information like your religion. This applies to all religions.
So, you are fine to believe in God, in Jesus, but don't be fooled into believe into it. Believe in it because you want to, not because you think you have to or because others expect you to. Find your own path. Furthermore, you don't need a place to worship and agreeing with others or the Preacher is not helping your individual religion. Everyone believes differently, even in the same religion. Don't agree, question. Talk philosophically like the Greeks did.They talked about religion but rather than nick-picky grabbing at each other's throats based on differences, they talked through logic, wisdom and philosophical point of views.
So doomsday is ridiculous. The Mayans did not predict anything. Revelations does not predict the Second Coming of Jesus. All that is bullshit. It won't happen. The Earth will not die this year nor in a month. Don't believe that shit.
The Roman Emperor Constantine produced the bible and he was a pagan and he took the Jewish religion and basing it on the Mithras religion, organized it into Christianity and then into the Holly Roman Catholic Church. Not in Israel or any of the countries of supposed origin but entirely ITALIAN.
Not one word of it is contemporary with the period and was not written until several hundred years after the period the story is set in!! How did the apostles write their books more than a hundred years after they would have been dead?
What a wonder full disinformation and deception campaign he waged against his Jewish enemies by turning them into his invented Christianity - so good in fact that Christians are still following the deception to this day!
But try looking at the evidence in the real world rather than the false claims in a book!
There is not one single mention of Jesus in the entire Roman record - that is right - not one! At the same time as he was supposed to have been around there were a number of Jews claiming to be the messiah - all of whom are well recorded!
There is not a single contemporary record from any source and even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!
He was supposed to have been a huge problem to the Romans and produced wonderful miracles but still not one contemporary record?
Even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!
Pilate is recorded in the Roman record as a somewhat lack luster man but no mention of a Jesus, a trial or crucifixion that would surely have been used to make him look brighter!
At best he was an amalgam of those others but almost certainly never existed!
---You are free to believe what you want, just have some common sense. Don't believe the facts, believe the morals trying to be taught.
I am not taking this from an Atheist point of view, simply realistic and philosophical. At the age of eight, I started to see a lot of hypocrisy and back and forth information in the Bible that was being taught to me through the private school I was attending. I questioned God: what made him so powerful? so important? who created him? It just didn't make sense to me. I also questioned the repopulation method supposedly done by Adam and Eve, which couldn't have happened when all they had was two sons. With what they also teach us in Science class about genes being too close and you shouldn't marry anyone within the family except second cousins, I was wondering how they could have repopulated the entire earth with just the four of them. Eve must have had a lot of all-nighters if you get my drift. That would also impose the idea of incest and sex to someone you are not married to wouldn't it? But then again I don't think Adam and Eve justifies marriage or is the reason for why only men and women should get married.
Now, take a look at the Bible for a second. How realistic is? Is it more of a storybook to tell children? I think so. I always have. Like any religion, it isn't perfect. It provides a sense of morals, understanding of what we don't know, consequences from good and evil forces, and also a means to give people hope with faith. Now, all religions do that to some degree in their own way. However, taking the facts in there and believing that they have happened to a full 100% possibility is ignorant. Do not believe everything you read. You don't have to. You have the freedom to choose what you want to do with your life and what you want to believe. If you believe that God is your savior, go ahead. But don't force down someone else's throat or make a big deal about it. I say "Keep it Discreet". Do not explain, Do not complain. If someone did not ask you what you believe in, don't talk about it. Don't post what you believe online unless asked. Why does anyone care what you believe? If they are curious, they will ask. Also during interviews, if an interviewer asks you what your religion is, it is a test. Do not answer or be discreet. That is called and illegal question that they cannot ask you because it is personal information. If you answer them, you are opening them up to ask you more to discriminate against you. You shouldn't be hired or fired for any personal information like your religion. This applies to all religions.
So, you are fine to believe in God, in Jesus, but don't be fooled into believe into it. Believe in it because you want to, not because you think you have to or because others expect you to. Find your own path. Furthermore, you don't need a place to worship and agreeing with others or the Preacher is not helping your individual religion. Everyone believes differently, even in the same religion. Don't agree, question. Talk philosophically like the Greeks did.They talked about religion but rather than nick-picky grabbing at each other's throats based on differences, they talked through logic, wisdom and philosophical point of views.
So doomsday is ridiculous. The Mayans did not predict anything. Revelations does not predict the Second Coming of Jesus. All that is bullshit. It won't happen. The Earth will not die this year nor in a month. Don't believe that shit.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Missing Cat!
Apparently, while I was away, my cat, Popeye, is missing. He went out yesterday morning and hasn't come back. Usually he finds his way back from the neighboring yards and returns home. However, I just got back today and mom decided to tell me he was lost and that she called animal control to look out for him. I have already been outside three times since I have been home today, calling him, looking for him, walking around the neighborhood in search for him. At first, I wasn't going to get emotional and just assume the worst, but now I am at that point where I am scared and worried about him and his safety. I hope no one stole him and if they let him in their house, I hope they are taking care of him and feeding him, but I do feel like I should put up signs around the neighborhood on posts to let people know we are missing a cat. I may start them tonight if he doesn't come home.
Some vacation huh? It's not a home without my cat. I messaged my friend's mom who has an organization to trap cats and give them homes. I merely want them to keep an eye out for him. He couldn't have gotten far and I hope he is alright. I'd be devastated without him and I do feel like crying. I am wondering if he came in the house and is just sleeping. He usually does that. He just needs to fucking let me know he is alright.
I hope he is okay...
I really do...
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Logic and Reasoning
This blog is a separate, more personal blog connected to my "daddyseahorses" blog. I use that one for artwork and updates on school or art in general and this one is dedicated to personal rants and updates. This blog will be more diverse and before I had always had to resign in with my different email just to get my "Secrets Corsets Tell" blog, which is where the connection in the layout comes into play. There is one thing I would like to talk about in this journal entry and that is actually a rant I have been meaning to explain.
~~~~~
First off, I just want to say that I have gotten over any and all disputes or grudges towards a certain someone. This person, in truth, use to be a friend of mine, however, the reason why we broke up was simply because it felt like I was giving more than she was. I felt like I was being manipulated and always the mature one who had to guide her or hold her hand through grown-up matters such as school, grades, jobs, and everyday common sense. I cared for her dearly but it was time for me to move on, because I realized, I don't need people like that in my life.
I will paint a picture for you.
She would tell me stuff that seemed hypocritical at times. She once told me that she knows she can draw in class and also pay attention, that her mind could only stay focus on one thing at a time. However, she would still draw in class. Sometimes I felt like just because she saw me grab out my sketchbook in class, she felt liberated to do the same. However, she and I are two different people and unlike her, I am able to multitask my ears and eyes towards different things. Sometimes I need a visual in class to focus on in order to allow my ears wander to something else. It helps me concentrate. I can't always write notes from the book and listen to the teacher at the same time because my thoughts could never be open to two groups of information at the same time. I'd mess up and write down what the teacher says right in the middle of my notes in the book, and usually, we're not on the same page.
Another thing that she did was act as if school wasn't that important and that failing was no big deal. I kept trying to tell her to pass and sometimes she wouldn't understand the information the teacher gives as guidance. We once had a Speech class together in community college and the teacher gave us a "Menu" of assignments we could pick and choose what we wanted to do. There was an optional section which meant we had the liberty to pick and choose what on that list we wanted to do but had to have a minimum of four assignments finished and turned in for a grade. She thought that meant we didn't have to do it , that it was optional to do, and she only did one of them. I made a 98 in the class and she failed it. I could tell that she thought if she added more visual aids to her work like dressing up for a presentation, it would give her more points. To be honest, I thought that as just a rouse so she could dress up in something gothic or Wiccan-like. I could tell that adding all of that extra clothing on, helped her become late most of the time.
Speaking of being late, she acted as getting there on time was no big rush. That she could drive casually after waking up late and get there on time, but she never calculated the distance and time. I always plan out how far I need to go and by how long it takes me to get there as well as factoring in the traffic during the mornings. I was just appalled by her lack of commitment to a college career and it felt like she never cared. That college was just a side project she was working on when really it should have been more important than the nude, demonic or anthropomorphic characters she was so hooked on drawing. She seemed immature most of the time.
Her artwork was somewhat garish. It had no real constructive foundation for anatomy or proportions and most of the time, it looked like she copied from other artists and I have found the artists she has copied from. I also thought that her work was a little too risqué. There is a limit to how far art can go before it reaches a certain degree of porn and if she doesn't understand why I see it as a porn, then she obviously think that porn itself is art as well when really it isn't viewed as art within society because of who should or should not view it. If it was art, then it would be honored to be in a gallery to the public, but even certain things are considered too mature for public view, especially in cases of children present. She seemed to not care about anyone else's well being but her own. That nothing else mattered but what she wanted to do and that it pleased her when in some degree, when you post artwork online you are asking to have it viewed artistically and given some form of critique whether people admire it or not.
Don't act like just because they dislike it that they are bad people. That's an immature mindset. No one is going to take you seriously as at true artist if you can't handle everyone form of view out there and understand that not everyone is going to like it or that their view is only there to help you improve and grow as an artist or to find that underline concept that art should have. It can't just be about doodles you feel like drawing simply because you enjoy the content. Art is more than that and if you lack that concept behind the world it is going to come off as cliche or unartistic and at times close to porn because there is no meaning behind it other than "you are a sick pervert who likes twisted things."
She obviously could not learn how to agree to disagree or how to respect and understand the differences in others verses herself. It seemed like, towards her religious views as a Wiccan, she wasn't being true to the Wiccan ways. If she were a true Wiccan, she would understand that not everyone is going to agree with her, that there are going to be differences, and that those differences may end up forming barriers. However, she should be the better person and rather than ranting constantly about the people who have put her down, but take a different mindset by understanding that, they don't understand her and her beliefs and that she should let them know what it is she believes because the term Wicca has been viewed as a negative religion because people ignorantly believe that Wiccans believe in Satan, worship him and magic, and are always going to let their grudges control their ties with others and that those people will suffer a fate far worst than death. She should be the good Wiccan here and make herself and the religion not look bad by not portraying the same attributes her haters expect from her. She should be open, respectful, and understanding towards those who don't understand. Rather than bashing them on the internet for putting her down and making it seem all about her, she should teach them what it is she believes by making sure their ignorance doesn't control them like her grudges don't control her. There are always going to be the good and bad forces in any religion that set examples, so she she should set her own for her religion's sake.
And at times, she is no better than they are when she starts bashing their religion for being what it is like they do to her. Two wrongs don't make a right. You can't continue this war of hate and differences to control your relationship with others. You should hate Christians simply because you had bad experiences with your family and you shouldn't see all Christians as bad people or people who just want to throw their religion down your throat and then shun you if you don't agree with them. I have plenty of Christian friends and rather than hating on one another who have differences, we engage in philosophical discussions about religion and viewpoints, like the Greeks originally sought in doing. They believed in God and yet also questioned him through philosophical discussions and although there were differences, they did not hate one another, they instead used it as a means to gain wisdom from others as well as engage in what they love to do, to learn, to respect, to be open-minded and understanding. So if you want the hate to stop, do it yourself and stop hating on people who weren't the ones who tried to control how you believe and think. It isn't their fault your family set you up to have these views against their faith and for you to rebel against it and find your own. In fact, all you are doing is spreading the hate and mimicking what they did to you. Is the hypocrisy in you so hard to overcome?
Furthermore, don't question or bash other people's religions simply because you don't understanding and base your facts on the religion with copy and paste passages from other sites to back up your claims. More than likely, your facts are just you agreeing with them rather than they making sense to the topic you are trying to address. It's poor researching skills and in a class, would fail you on your assignment. Make sure it combines well with what you are trying to say otherwise all it does is make you look ignorant and stupid and if you want to make a point, especially to really hurt someone else with cheap shots, then do it correctly, with good grammar, good sentence structure, and a true, logical concept behind it rather than just hateful and negative emotions. Paragraphs in essays consist of a minimum of 5 sentences, I don't care how you were taught, it was wrong in formal writings. In a book, you are free to write however you want but in an essay, understand that you need an intro, body of three sentences or more, and a conclusion to sum it up. Each paragraph has the same format but each paragraph as a different topic to discuss. Consider it the next time you are in class.
The picture is drawn.
I have explained in depth all of the small details that I could not stand within this certain person and felt like most of the time talking to a wall. With all of that said, I just want to say the finish product is me getting over it. Me putting it in the files of old drawings and using it as a portion of my history that I have experienced and can learn from and use as guidance on how to better myself or how to view others correctly and with a great deal of respect and understanding. I learn most of my views from the negative people I am around and what not to be like. And she was one of them. I said if she ever matured and got over all of these immature mindsets and attitudes, that I would accept her again as a friend. However, I don't think that will happen anytime soon, mainly because it has been almost been two years since I have even seen her and thankfully, I have been more at ease without all of her bullshit in my life.
I still check back every now and then to see how she has changed, if any changes have been made, and although I still have that human being instinct to care and be respectful to her troubles and issues, I am still not going to be the person who makes the first move. That's all I have ever done with her. Make the first move to do something whether to go out and eat somewhere, to go to the mall, see a movie, go to each's houses and draw and watch TV, and not once did it seem like she did the same favor to me. Not to mention she had the weirdest mindsets about going to do something at restaurants and businesses and saying it was okay to loiter. Those businesses are there to make money. If you don't contribute then they charge you for the water or the chips and salsa. If it has free wifi and is open to allowing people to just sit and enjoy themselves, then that is the place to go to just loiter, but restaurants like Jinbeh, will expect you to buy something. And in truth, with your own money. I can't always be there to pay for you when you decide at the last minute to tell me you have no money to spend at all or you are saving 17 dollars in your account so you don't go in debt.
Well, to be honest, I don't care if you have money or not. If you want to go out with me for old times, pay for yourself with your own money no matter how much you have. Otherwise, don't make plans with me if you know you have nothing spend for yourself. This was one of the things I thought you were manipulating me with. You see something you want and you whine about not having the money for it and then thinking I was push-over I was, I am suckered into buying it for you because I am a good person. I came to a point where saying no, was a blessing, and avoiding you was a Godsend. I felt as if being around you was just more work than needed and it was mainly because you gave nothing in return as a friend and you never once treated me like a friend, just that artist friend with a car and money to drive you around and pay for you at places you agree to go to without even mentioning you have money. And I could tell if I was going out to do something, you gave me money but still why would I leave and come back just for you? Do you think I am that loyal to where I would get us food and come back simply because I have your change? What if I don't come back? I just stole from you didn't I? I could have said, oh, I thought you had also paid me back for part of that $76 dollar check at Jinbeh. Also, when I get you something like at Taco Bell, it is always the most expensive thing on the menu. I am not fucking made of money. I could have said, two items and a drink under 3 bucks. I could have also said, new driving around rule: First drive of the month is free, all the rest cost gas money. 10 bucks to ride bitch. I should have, but didn't.
So with that said, If you ever read this. It is not me ranting against you with any ill will or negativity, but as a mature adult, I expect you at least understand where I am coming from and show some humility that I had legitimate reasons for dumping you as a friend. And that you will consider changing your ways to be a better person without any ill will towards others or negative grudges them simply because ether steer you wrong. Humanity does not work that way. You might as well call yourself a Satanist if you act that way, because people who seek revenge, ill will, and hate towards others are no better than the Devil, himself, and the people out there who make their own religions look bad because of how wrong they are in choosing ignorance and pride over friendship and love.
~~~~~
First off, I just want to say that I have gotten over any and all disputes or grudges towards a certain someone. This person, in truth, use to be a friend of mine, however, the reason why we broke up was simply because it felt like I was giving more than she was. I felt like I was being manipulated and always the mature one who had to guide her or hold her hand through grown-up matters such as school, grades, jobs, and everyday common sense. I cared for her dearly but it was time for me to move on, because I realized, I don't need people like that in my life.
I will paint a picture for you.
She would tell me stuff that seemed hypocritical at times. She once told me that she knows she can draw in class and also pay attention, that her mind could only stay focus on one thing at a time. However, she would still draw in class. Sometimes I felt like just because she saw me grab out my sketchbook in class, she felt liberated to do the same. However, she and I are two different people and unlike her, I am able to multitask my ears and eyes towards different things. Sometimes I need a visual in class to focus on in order to allow my ears wander to something else. It helps me concentrate. I can't always write notes from the book and listen to the teacher at the same time because my thoughts could never be open to two groups of information at the same time. I'd mess up and write down what the teacher says right in the middle of my notes in the book, and usually, we're not on the same page.
Another thing that she did was act as if school wasn't that important and that failing was no big deal. I kept trying to tell her to pass and sometimes she wouldn't understand the information the teacher gives as guidance. We once had a Speech class together in community college and the teacher gave us a "Menu" of assignments we could pick and choose what we wanted to do. There was an optional section which meant we had the liberty to pick and choose what on that list we wanted to do but had to have a minimum of four assignments finished and turned in for a grade. She thought that meant we didn't have to do it , that it was optional to do, and she only did one of them. I made a 98 in the class and she failed it. I could tell that she thought if she added more visual aids to her work like dressing up for a presentation, it would give her more points. To be honest, I thought that as just a rouse so she could dress up in something gothic or Wiccan-like. I could tell that adding all of that extra clothing on, helped her become late most of the time.
Speaking of being late, she acted as getting there on time was no big rush. That she could drive casually after waking up late and get there on time, but she never calculated the distance and time. I always plan out how far I need to go and by how long it takes me to get there as well as factoring in the traffic during the mornings. I was just appalled by her lack of commitment to a college career and it felt like she never cared. That college was just a side project she was working on when really it should have been more important than the nude, demonic or anthropomorphic characters she was so hooked on drawing. She seemed immature most of the time.
Her artwork was somewhat garish. It had no real constructive foundation for anatomy or proportions and most of the time, it looked like she copied from other artists and I have found the artists she has copied from. I also thought that her work was a little too risqué. There is a limit to how far art can go before it reaches a certain degree of porn and if she doesn't understand why I see it as a porn, then she obviously think that porn itself is art as well when really it isn't viewed as art within society because of who should or should not view it. If it was art, then it would be honored to be in a gallery to the public, but even certain things are considered too mature for public view, especially in cases of children present. She seemed to not care about anyone else's well being but her own. That nothing else mattered but what she wanted to do and that it pleased her when in some degree, when you post artwork online you are asking to have it viewed artistically and given some form of critique whether people admire it or not.
Don't act like just because they dislike it that they are bad people. That's an immature mindset. No one is going to take you seriously as at true artist if you can't handle everyone form of view out there and understand that not everyone is going to like it or that their view is only there to help you improve and grow as an artist or to find that underline concept that art should have. It can't just be about doodles you feel like drawing simply because you enjoy the content. Art is more than that and if you lack that concept behind the world it is going to come off as cliche or unartistic and at times close to porn because there is no meaning behind it other than "you are a sick pervert who likes twisted things."
She obviously could not learn how to agree to disagree or how to respect and understand the differences in others verses herself. It seemed like, towards her religious views as a Wiccan, she wasn't being true to the Wiccan ways. If she were a true Wiccan, she would understand that not everyone is going to agree with her, that there are going to be differences, and that those differences may end up forming barriers. However, she should be the better person and rather than ranting constantly about the people who have put her down, but take a different mindset by understanding that, they don't understand her and her beliefs and that she should let them know what it is she believes because the term Wicca has been viewed as a negative religion because people ignorantly believe that Wiccans believe in Satan, worship him and magic, and are always going to let their grudges control their ties with others and that those people will suffer a fate far worst than death. She should be the good Wiccan here and make herself and the religion not look bad by not portraying the same attributes her haters expect from her. She should be open, respectful, and understanding towards those who don't understand. Rather than bashing them on the internet for putting her down and making it seem all about her, she should teach them what it is she believes by making sure their ignorance doesn't control them like her grudges don't control her. There are always going to be the good and bad forces in any religion that set examples, so she she should set her own for her religion's sake.
And at times, she is no better than they are when she starts bashing their religion for being what it is like they do to her. Two wrongs don't make a right. You can't continue this war of hate and differences to control your relationship with others. You should hate Christians simply because you had bad experiences with your family and you shouldn't see all Christians as bad people or people who just want to throw their religion down your throat and then shun you if you don't agree with them. I have plenty of Christian friends and rather than hating on one another who have differences, we engage in philosophical discussions about religion and viewpoints, like the Greeks originally sought in doing. They believed in God and yet also questioned him through philosophical discussions and although there were differences, they did not hate one another, they instead used it as a means to gain wisdom from others as well as engage in what they love to do, to learn, to respect, to be open-minded and understanding. So if you want the hate to stop, do it yourself and stop hating on people who weren't the ones who tried to control how you believe and think. It isn't their fault your family set you up to have these views against their faith and for you to rebel against it and find your own. In fact, all you are doing is spreading the hate and mimicking what they did to you. Is the hypocrisy in you so hard to overcome?
Furthermore, don't question or bash other people's religions simply because you don't understanding and base your facts on the religion with copy and paste passages from other sites to back up your claims. More than likely, your facts are just you agreeing with them rather than they making sense to the topic you are trying to address. It's poor researching skills and in a class, would fail you on your assignment. Make sure it combines well with what you are trying to say otherwise all it does is make you look ignorant and stupid and if you want to make a point, especially to really hurt someone else with cheap shots, then do it correctly, with good grammar, good sentence structure, and a true, logical concept behind it rather than just hateful and negative emotions. Paragraphs in essays consist of a minimum of 5 sentences, I don't care how you were taught, it was wrong in formal writings. In a book, you are free to write however you want but in an essay, understand that you need an intro, body of three sentences or more, and a conclusion to sum it up. Each paragraph has the same format but each paragraph as a different topic to discuss. Consider it the next time you are in class.
The picture is drawn.
I have explained in depth all of the small details that I could not stand within this certain person and felt like most of the time talking to a wall. With all of that said, I just want to say the finish product is me getting over it. Me putting it in the files of old drawings and using it as a portion of my history that I have experienced and can learn from and use as guidance on how to better myself or how to view others correctly and with a great deal of respect and understanding. I learn most of my views from the negative people I am around and what not to be like. And she was one of them. I said if she ever matured and got over all of these immature mindsets and attitudes, that I would accept her again as a friend. However, I don't think that will happen anytime soon, mainly because it has been almost been two years since I have even seen her and thankfully, I have been more at ease without all of her bullshit in my life.
I still check back every now and then to see how she has changed, if any changes have been made, and although I still have that human being instinct to care and be respectful to her troubles and issues, I am still not going to be the person who makes the first move. That's all I have ever done with her. Make the first move to do something whether to go out and eat somewhere, to go to the mall, see a movie, go to each's houses and draw and watch TV, and not once did it seem like she did the same favor to me. Not to mention she had the weirdest mindsets about going to do something at restaurants and businesses and saying it was okay to loiter. Those businesses are there to make money. If you don't contribute then they charge you for the water or the chips and salsa. If it has free wifi and is open to allowing people to just sit and enjoy themselves, then that is the place to go to just loiter, but restaurants like Jinbeh, will expect you to buy something. And in truth, with your own money. I can't always be there to pay for you when you decide at the last minute to tell me you have no money to spend at all or you are saving 17 dollars in your account so you don't go in debt.
Well, to be honest, I don't care if you have money or not. If you want to go out with me for old times, pay for yourself with your own money no matter how much you have. Otherwise, don't make plans with me if you know you have nothing spend for yourself. This was one of the things I thought you were manipulating me with. You see something you want and you whine about not having the money for it and then thinking I was push-over I was, I am suckered into buying it for you because I am a good person. I came to a point where saying no, was a blessing, and avoiding you was a Godsend. I felt as if being around you was just more work than needed and it was mainly because you gave nothing in return as a friend and you never once treated me like a friend, just that artist friend with a car and money to drive you around and pay for you at places you agree to go to without even mentioning you have money. And I could tell if I was going out to do something, you gave me money but still why would I leave and come back just for you? Do you think I am that loyal to where I would get us food and come back simply because I have your change? What if I don't come back? I just stole from you didn't I? I could have said, oh, I thought you had also paid me back for part of that $76 dollar check at Jinbeh. Also, when I get you something like at Taco Bell, it is always the most expensive thing on the menu. I am not fucking made of money. I could have said, two items and a drink under 3 bucks. I could have also said, new driving around rule: First drive of the month is free, all the rest cost gas money. 10 bucks to ride bitch. I should have, but didn't.
So with that said, If you ever read this. It is not me ranting against you with any ill will or negativity, but as a mature adult, I expect you at least understand where I am coming from and show some humility that I had legitimate reasons for dumping you as a friend. And that you will consider changing your ways to be a better person without any ill will towards others or negative grudges them simply because ether steer you wrong. Humanity does not work that way. You might as well call yourself a Satanist if you act that way, because people who seek revenge, ill will, and hate towards others are no better than the Devil, himself, and the people out there who make their own religions look bad because of how wrong they are in choosing ignorance and pride over friendship and love.
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