Do I really matter to you as a friend?

I understand that things were rocky when we broke up and that we haven't seen each other since March, but if you are still willing to be my friend and talk to me, make the effort once and awhile to talk to me first rather than leaving it all up to me. Also, actually show an interest in my life, me, and what's going on because every time we chat, it seems you won't talk unless it is about you or something you are into or something that we have in common.

The more unaware, clueless, and rude you are when we aren't dating and trying to be friends makes me think you would have been a terrible boyfriend anyways. Those kinds of qualities in you I find childish and immature. Part of having friends and being a good friend is showing an interest in what they like to do or talk about, being there for them and make a move first. You seem as if you don't even want to be bothered with me as a friend and never bother talking to me unless it is a common interest or about what is going on in your life. That's a little self-centered and rude. You need to be a better communicator and acknowledge your friends more otherwise dating may be further out of your reach than you might think.

And yes, I do feel guilty for hurting you but part of being mature is handling it maturely rather than throwing a fit about it. I know I should have talked about it with you in person but at the time that was too awkward for me to handle. I wasn't sure how to tell you without seeing you hurt, and I didn't want to have to do that. I thought maybe you might be a man and handle it and sweep it under the rug and just continue as friends afterwards like before we started dating. We kind of rushed into things and weren't thinking straight and you seemed either too pushy or unsure of what to do. I really want a guy who knows what to do by understanding me without me having to tell him. Someone with good awareness of others, compassion and open-heart as well as someone who isn't going to take things immaturely. I felt, yet again, as if I was the babysitter. And now I am wary of dating guys younger than me. Especially ones who think alcohol is what makes the party, not the people and games are everything and the only thing in life to put passion into.

So, I don't want to stir things up again but I hate that you ignore me, or doing take an interest in me when we talk. I am not saying you should but as a good person and a good friend, it is the common courtesy here that matters the most and I am not seeing it with you.