In a Nutshell

It's been a long time since I posted on this blogger site so I am going to sum up my life right now in a nutshell.

First off, I have been taking some summer classes in Sociology, which I have decided as my major. I have been enjoying Sociology a lot and learned a lot from just the three classes I have already taken. Now I am taking two more in the fall as well as my next New Media Art course that I desperately need.

I didn't get to do much over the summer break, break wise, but I did get to do some fanart, fanficiton, catch up with an old acquaintance from high school which is now one my best friends thanks to the KevEdd fandom. We have been texting up a storm and on tumblr a lot. I even got to go swimming at her boyfriend's family's house and see her four, adorable kids. I was not sure I would be able to handle children well, but two of them seemed to get surprisingly attached to me and I honestly, just wanted to huggle them to death. I squirted one with a water gun, he seemed to enjoy that. lol

I am getting into the groove of artwork but not by much. I am trying to do more digital work but I am so lazy with it. I am working various things as well as fan fiction. I have been trying to do more artwork to post but Minecraft and life seem to get in the way. I don't have a lot of free time even during a break thanks to my parents always hassling me to do stuff. I am hoping, very soon, that I can get a part-time job and try and earn some money to move out. Hopefully, that will happen but I can't promise anything. I am not a fortune-teller.

No luck in the dating department but I have been rekindling some old friendships and seeing some friends I haven't seen in over a year or so. With Jade, more like, eight or so years. Lol. There are two friends right now I am really not fond of right now and I have been trying my best to avoid them so I am not stuck gripping and being annoyed by them after seeing them. I'll break this down for the mass to understand.

Friend 1 = A
Friend 2 = B

A1) Every time i am with this friend, she is critical and judgment of my artwork and others. I have about had it with her negative opinions and narcissistic dribble.

A2) She has made no effort to try and contact me, but not because she understands or has noticed that I am annoyed with her. In fact, I don't think she ever will notice much about her friends other than it involving her in an blunt context where they literally tell her to face they have an issue with her, then she has the need to fight back because she doesn't understand why they are angry. This is because she is oblivious and not very self-observant of the world and of the people around her. She is always in her own little world and doesn't really care to involve anyone else if it isn't to her liking.

A3) She makes up shit about herself because honestly, I don't see it. She says she has ADHD, but I don't see. She says, "I dropped out of school because I can't focus." I just think, "Everyone does that, it is called being bored." And then she can spend hours on end during the night on the computer drawing or on tumblr all the time. She can focus, she just doesn't it think she can when it comes to something she is not interested in. Which is normal for everyone. Everyone gets like that, especially with school. Even geniuses in school get bored, it is called not being challenged enough, so they get bored and even though they do the work well, they can't focus during class because it isn't invigorating for them. Same goes for someone who isn't into it as they would another class. It is called, being human. We are all like that, so shut up about it.

A4) She acts as if I am not even there most of the time. Whether with B or when I come over to her house, she just goes about her business as if I am not even there and I have to yell at her to notice me or to look at something I want to share with her. She ignores me and doesn't acknowledge me half the time.

A5) She at the last minute, feels the need to invite B with us so we can all hang out. I don't like last minute plans and I have decided against them. I need some notice. Don't just ignorantly and rudely invite someone else into our plans without even asking me first. You texted them to join us without asking me first and I thought that was rude beyond belief. Then when they are together, I am the third wheel in the group. I feel ignored and the odd man out who doesn't understand their conversations and when I try to engage in it, they think I am stupid and laugh at me for not understanding. Makes me want to never be in the same room with either of them at the same time.

A6) Has the biggest attitude when it comes to my liking yaoi, yuri, or porn. She doesn't understand why I am interested in such hardcore stuff simply because she is not sexually driven or interested in something beyond the soft core stuff. She acts as if sex in relationships doesn't happen, that people who have sex one way or in various ways does not exist. She doesn't understand why people are sexually active or have fetishism, or why they masturbate, or why they are interested in sex. It is beyond her logic so she literally has to have an attitude towards it in the most ignorant way possible, believing that it doesn't want to exist and telling her friends, such as me, to tag my shit so she can block it. Bitch, I am not posting it for your sake, so shut the fuck up. Just accept that people like it. Actually the majority of society does it. Just because you are the .001% who doesn't, does not mean you can control why people think that way or ignore that it exists.

Everyone masturbates at one time or another, some do it religiously or more than 3-6 times a week. Who cares? Just accept that it exists and moves on but don't' put your opinions on someone else's livelihood. Don't judge them simply because they are different and happen to engage in stuff you, yourself, can't be open to. I masturbate, I enjoy sex, I enjoy yaoi and yuri, hentai and porn gets ridiculous yes, but I still enjoy some. I am open about my sexuality and I am happy with how I am. I have a healthy lifestyle.

No wonder you are so critical and fussy all the time, you have no release for that stress because you are so childish mentally that you have accepted that you will never take part in something as adult-rated as having a serious relationship and engaging in sex with your partner. You told me once, you were fine with having a long-distance relationship over a close one, which is highly unlikely of happening. You have accepted being alone forever and celibate for eternity simply because you are afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone and beyond your logic of thinking. You are not a physical person, I get that, but that doesn't mean you should force yourself to remain that way forever. Grow up and accept life to the fullest, otherwise, what is the point of living.

B1) It is always about B. Whatever B wants to talk about or has an issue with, that is all B wants to talk about and doesn't want to have a conservation with us both that we can all engage in it. It is always what is going on in his life whether or good or bad (mostly bad by his perspective), and never is considerate of talking with his friends about something we can all engage in equally.

B2)Bringing a doll with him in public? How immature is that! What is he, 7? Pretty much. All he cares about is what he wants and if he can't get it at that moment in time, he feels depressed or unwanted. That he feels like life doesn't matter if he can't have this one doll for his birthday. If he can't have it, he wants to talk all day while hanging out with his friends about it like he is trying to guilt trip us into getting it for him even if he says we don't want to get it for him. He tries to gain sympathy from others because his life is crap or has been crap for various reasons.

B3) Another critical soul who just has to laugh at anything and everything if it goes against what he believes in. Putting other people down without having facts or justifiable cause. Just his own opinion. How do you expect to gain equality for who you want to be, if you aren't willing to accept those for who they are? I just understand that. I have met more transponders who are practically just wanting the change because it is the norm within their social groups or they find it cool. I am not seeing much mental stability behind what it is they wish to become and then in the long run put other people down for who they are or how they think simply because they have some trouble understanding or being able to meet half way. Why are you putting other people down or correcting them when you expect them to accept you in the long run? What's the point of that?

B4)Is completely childish in lifestyle with a messy room, house, apartment. You have always been messy and completely oblivious to what you call "man's lifestyle". Most men clean up after themselves and actually have orderly lives. Some have routines and are very clinical and organized. Only certain group or a few are messy. Quit stereotyping what a man is and if you wish to become one, act like it. Stop with the stupid dolls already, the plushies, the girly, immature way you act and dress. You mentally are not a man. Take the test and see if you are mentally a man. There is a difference between actually being trapped in the body of the opposite sex or wishing to become something you are not. I really think you are more the latter. You don't seem like you could handle the change well. I know transponders who have actually went as far as taking T and they actually have the lifestyle and mindset of a man. They are true transponders, you are just a wannabe. Sorry to say, but that is my observant perspective of you and being around you. You can't just become something you are not, you have to actually be it internally. I doubt you are, but that is just me.

So for now, I am avoiding these two. I don't want to talk to them, see them, spend time with them. I told them: No sleepovers, no drinking, plans must be made 48 hours in advance, and if I have to I will even say. If I spend time with you, actually notice me and acknowledge my being there. Don't judge me or my artwork. If you have something to say, it better be a critique and a way to help better it. Don't just say it sucks or that it is inaccurate and leave it at that. I am not going to ask you for your opinion if you do that. Don't make me the third wheel and don't talk about shit I don't know.

When B brought her doll and I said I was phobic of them, he kept talking about it and having it with him. I seriously felt like driving off the road and into a pillar. I was that phobic of it. Same feeling I get with claustrophobia and amputations. My heart starts racing and I feel trapped and uneasy. I literally feel like I could hyperventilate if I don't get some air or look away. I can't deal with it.

I don't plan on seeing them for a while. I don't want to spend time with them. I can easily dump them a friends at this point with everything they have put me through, by bashing me, hurting me, judging me, ignoring me, not acknowledging me, being inconsiderate of me, and acting immature and not even there ages. I am not going to be around people like that. I can dump them right now if I want to, but I feel talking it over is best. If it comes up, I will make note of it. If they have an issue with it, then I'll simply say, "I have out grown you. I need more mature friends who understand priorities, know how to respect other others fairly, and are responsible and more self-aware. I have some friends who are mature, responsible, taking their careers seriously, making the most of life, and still laughing and enjoying ridiculous things that don't affect their well-being whatsoever. They know how to balance their obsessions and their responsibilities without letting one overwhelm them. Those are people I like to hang around with. I enjoy those types of people. I need more of those people. If they are unwilling to accept that, then they are not the friends I need in my life. Sad to say, but true. I am pretty sure their parents are disappointed in them as much as I am, for how unwilling they are to change and be more mature and responsible with their lives. To understand the difference between getting on the computer for fun and getting on because it is a job done over the internet or a school class done over the internet. Excuses and what ifs about you and your life are not mature things to do. Bashing others because you don't see eye-to-eye and putting them down simply to justify your knowledge over something are not mature. Ignoring your friends, making them feel inadequate in your presence, and making assumptions about them are not maturity, either.

I say you are immature because you act immature. If you find offense to that, then stop for a minute and understand why I think that way. Don't just say I don't understand or act like I am the enemy because I have something to say against it. Understand where they are coming from first and take a step back and reexamine the situation and your attitudes and responses to it first before coming to a conclusion of opinion. Otherwise, we're done.

Mostly negative post, but it is what has been going on with my life right now. Sad right...boohoo feel sorry for me. I'm going to go cry in a corner over there while eating steak and watching Ghost Adventures, because my life is obviously tragic and horrifying. Note the sarcasm and laugh. *glowing LAUGH sign appears*